This video popped up on my Facebook newsfeed the other day and I wanted to share it with you all.
As someone who gives out support and coaching for parents, it might seem a bit odd for me to share this video—especially when it's teasing all of the parenting advice out there.
The reason I love this video is it shows the absurdity of the “do or die” mentality that plenty of parenting advice promotes. "If you say X, it will scar your child for life. If you do Y, they’ll hate you for forever. If you react with Z, they'll think the world is a cold and unforgiving place…"
Here’s the thing: With parenting, as with any other thing we do in this world, we all are going to make mistakes. We are all going to stress out over decisions and want the best for our children. No one will ever be the perfect parent, just like no one can be the perfect teacher.
What's most important is often how you bounce back from these mistakes, and rather than overanalyzing everything you do as a parent, can you enjoy ALL the moments with your teen (both the ups and the downs)? Can you model apologizing and owning your mistakes? Can you model finding humor, being in the present moment, and enjoying life?
My invitation is to be compassionate with yourself. Parenting is not “do or die.” Find the advice that works for you. If you find something helpful, try it out! If it works, then awesome—keep it! If it doesn’t, toss it out and don't pay it any mind.
And know that my goal is never to encourage scare tactics or shame you into a better relationship with your teen.
The more we can normalize asking for support, giving ourselves compassion, and enjoying our time with our kids rather than overanalyzing, the more effective we will be as parents.
As always, if you have any comments or questions, please reply and let me know!
I am a teen-empowerment coach. I work with teen girls, ages 14-17, who struggle with self-acceptance, perfectionism, seeking attention from others, and deep sadness or anger.